To My Final 20-Something
Odette
I cry as I write this…And behind this smile is a girl who never wanted to grow up quite as quickly as she had to. A human who wasn’t prepared to face the reality of just how cruel, complicated, and unforgiving this world could sometimes be. Behind these eyes still lives a little girl who wishes she had more time to experience what she thought her twenties were supposed to be. To live a little more freely, make mistakes, dream without worrying about timelines, and simply enjoy becoming. But life had other plans, and somewhere between the lessons I asked for and the ones I absolutely did not, that little girl had to grow up.
And yet, as I stand here as my final 20-something, that little girl is proud of the woman she has become. My twenties may not have looked exactly how I imagined them, and life may have introduced me to heartbreak, grief, disappointment, responsibility, and reality sooner than I wanted, but I made it here. I survived things that could have hardened me, and somehow, there is still softness behind this smile.
Let’s be honest going into my twenties, society had me thinking I was about to be traveling nonstop, outside every weekend, partying, brunching, shopping, dating like crazy, and simply living my BEST life. But chall, we were fooled! The truth is, your twenties don’t magically come with all the answers. You’re still figuring yourself out, making mistakes, changing your mind, questioning your decisions, and realizing that you definitely do not have everything figured out yet and apparently, that’s part of the experience too.
I know you Bloomers are probably thinking, “Girl… this is very dramatic.” But hear me out it really isn’t. Yes, I am still young, and I will forever be my parents’ “baby girl,” but when I look back over the years, I’m not sure I can truthfully say that I fully enjoyed my twenties the way I thought I would. There were beautiful moments, absolutely. But let’s be real with everything I had to experience, including things within my own family, some parts of my twenties just weren’t enjoyable. And it sucks when you’re genuinely trying to grow out of your shell, find yourself, and step into a different version of your life, but somehow you still feel stagnant like no matter how hard you try to move forward, something keeps holding you in the same place.
But despite everything, one thing I can say with my whole heart is that I am grateful to God. His grace has carried me through every version of myself. Every time I fell, stumbled, lost my way, or took a few steps backward, He was there to pick me back up. And maybe my twenties weren’t necessarily about having the time of my life; maybe they were about God teaching me how to navigate life, while reminding me that no matter how many times I fall, because let me tell YOU… I DID FALL; His grace met me everytime.
Unlike last year around this time, when I openly admitted that I was distracted, this year feels a little different. I wouldn’t necessarily say I’ve been distracted, but if I’m being completely honest, this year has been a bit of a blur. I’ve been present, I’ve been moving, handling what needs to be handled, growing in ways I probably haven’t even stopped long enough to recognize and somehow, I’m still sitting here wondering, “Wait… where did the time actually go?” Like, Bloomers, this is seriously my “Final Something.” Do I scream like a goat now or later?!
Very detailed & perfectly dramatic scream !
But maybe that’s the reminder I need going into this final year of my twenties: stop rushing past the life I once prayed to experience. Everything may not look exactly how I imagined it would by now, but that doesn’t mean I’m behind. There is still time to experience new things, make memories, take chances, love deeply, laugh loudly, and become even more of the woman God is shaping me to be. So yes, I may have a tiny dramatic breakdown about my Final Something, but I also want to be intentional about actually living it, because I don’t want to spend so much time worrying about what’s next that I forget to appreciate what’s happening right now. And I no longer want my time wasted.
I think I’ve finally reached the point where I’m tired of waiting for life to feel like it has officially started. I’ve spent enough time questioning when things will change, when certain prayers will be answered, when I’ll finally feel like I’m moving instead of standing in the same place. And I’m realizing that maybe this season isn’t about having everything figured out it’s about being willing to move when God tells me it’s time (He recently confirmed it’s time). My time, peace, energy, and experiences are valuable, and I want to be more intentional with all of them. I want to travel, try new things, celebrate myself, love, grow, and actually enjoy the life happening in front of me. I don’t want to shrink myself just to remain comfortable in spaces I’ve already outgrown, nor do I want to keep pouring into relationships, friendships, or situations that have no real direction. I may not be able to go back and redo the earlier years of my twenties, but I can decide how I experience the year in front of me.
More than anything, I’m praying that this is the season where God finally places the open door in front of me that I’ve been praying for and when He does, I pray I have enough faith to actually walk through it. I’ve spent enough time standing in hallways, questioning myself and wondering when my turn would come. So if God says, “This is the door,” I don’t want fear, comfort, other people’s opinions, or my own overthinking to convince me to stay where I am. Maybe everything I’ve experienced in my twenties wasn’t meant to keep me stuck; maybe some of it was preparing me for the very door I’ve been asking God to open. And when that door finally opens, this time, I’m walking through it maybe…with a little nail biting.
“See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut.”
Now, traditionally, you Bloomers know I love choosing a color for my birthday every year, and this year I went with yellow. Random? Kind of. Intentional? Very much so ! Yellow represents light, warmth, happiness, hope, and brightness and honestly, that’s exactly what I want this next chapter of my life to feel like. I want to be yellow. I want to be my own yellow first to bring light back into my own life, create my own joy, celebrate myself, and choose hope even when everything around me isn’t perfect. And maybe, along the way, I can be someone else’s yellow too. Someone who brings encouragement, love, laughter, kindness, and a little light into their world. After spending parts of my twenties searching for the light at the end of certain tunnels, maybe my Final Something is about realizing that God placed some of that light inside of me too.
Anyway, the lesson in this entire little “life audit” moment is this: if you’re still in your 20-somethings, please, enjoy them as much as you can. And I know that’s easier said than done because life is still going to life. There will be bills, responsibilities, family situations, disappointments, confusing seasons, unanswered prayers, and days when enjoying anything feels like the last thing on your mind. But take it from me, time moves so quickly. One minute you’re entering your twenties thinking you have forever to figure everything out, and the next you’re sitting here writing about your Final Something wondering where all those years went. So live while you’re figuring it out. Take the trip when you can. Take too many pictures. Celebrate the small wins. Spend time with the people you love. Try new things. Change your mind. Make mistakes and learn from them. Cry when you need to. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself to have everything together, and please don’t spend your entire twenties comparing your life to what everyone else appears to be doing. Be where your feet are. Some seasons will be beautiful, some will simply be lessons, and some you’ll just be grateful you made it through but they are all still pieces of your story.
And whatever you do, please don’t become bitter. People will disappoint you, prayers may take longer than expected, and sometimes you’ll give your heart to people or situations that simply don’t know what to do with it. Feel it, cry about it, set the boundary, walk away if you need to but don’t let it take your softness from you. There are still people to meet, places to see, prayers to watch God answer, and beautiful moments you haven’t experienced yet. Life is short, but there is still so much life left to live. So trust God, protect your heart without closing it, and keep a little yellow inside of you.
So, to my final 20-something: I don't need you to be perfect. I just need you to be lived. Fully, intentionally, softly, and with God leading the way. And whatever happens, keep a little yellow in you.
