Another Year, Another Layer of Me
Odette
Wow, that came around fast. It feels like I just celebrated my birthday! Time really does fly, and maybe it feels even quicker because this past year had its share of detours and distractions. Still, through it all, I’ve grown, learned, and gained perspective. So today, I’m not just saying ‘it’s my birthday’; I’m celebrating grace (plenty of it), growth, and the blessing of another year.
As I look back on this past year, I can admit I got distracted. Life around me, both in my personal world and in certain environments I couldn’t avoid, was heavy at times. I wish some things had gone differently. I wish people had chosen maturity over gossip, truth over lies. My name was dragged, I was made a topic, and there were even those who quietly hoped I would fail. The weapons were formed, but NOT one of them prospered. If anything, I’ve learned that when someone digs a grave for you, they’re really digging one deeper for themselves, because there is GREATER watching over me, fighting battles I don’t even see. Like it says “The Lord will fight for you, you only need to be still.” On the flip side, I wouldn’t say I regret the time spent with certain people or things, but I do wish some of it had unfolded differently. Still, what’s meant for me will never miss me and that truth has carried me in recent days. This year brought its share of suffering and heartbreak, but life goes on.
Speaking of life moving on, one thing I’ve been proud of is maintaining my fitness. I’ve stayed disciplined and consistent in the gym. I had a moment where I fell off, but I caught myself and picked right back up. Beyond the physical, I’ve also battled through spells of sadness, moments of feeling sorry for myself, comparing my journey to others, and questioning where I am in life. It wasn’t exactly a pity party, but it was enough to pull me into a space I had to fight my way out of. I’m okay, but I still have my moments. Maybe it’s just part of stepping into another year of life. Birthdays have a way of stirring up emotions and reflection. I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. Thank God for the ones who prayed for me or sent a simple word of encouragement when I needed it most. And most importantly, I thank God for my best friend (I won’t call her name, but she knows who she is). She has been there for me in so many ways. I know we get tired of each other at times, but the Lord knows! She has truly been the one to pull me up for air when I felt like I was drowning. For that, I’ll always be grateful.
Besides that, I’ve been craving more love and peace for myself, from myself. I know I can do a better job of pouring into myself, but I’m working on it. And honestly, the little I’ve given myself so far, I’ve learned to appreciate. Like those slower mornings when I can actually breathe, grabbing a Starbucks before the day takes off, enjoying my ‘maintenance Saturdays,’ sitting at a nice bar enjoying a mocktail, or simply isolating when I need to. This recent shift has been about self-discovery; learning new things about who I am, finding healthier ways to fill the voids, and digging up the roots of my hurt so I can truly heal. I’m just at a point where I want MORE for myself. More love, more peace, more joy, more wholeness. And yes, it may come off as selfish to some, but honestly… who cares? This journey is mine. And if anyone tries to disrupt that, they’ve got another thing coming. I can’t afford it!
I’m also relearning how to enjoy my own company again. Truthfully, it does get lonely at times. Don’t get me wrong, I love being around family, friends, and good company, but there’s something about being alone that feels different. It can be beautiful, but also a little scary.
One thing I’ve been reminding myself is that I’m too valuable not to protect and guard myself. Lately, God has been dealing with me on the truth that beauty and charm mean absolutely nothing compared to what’s inside: the heart, the spirit, the value you carry. Of course, I’ve always known this, but I can feel Him really pressing it into me now, wanting me to fully embrace my worth as a woman. That’s a journey I’m still walking through, and I’ll share more about it later down the line (hint, hint).
Although I was distracted this past year and not everything went the way I hoped, God’s grace and mercy never left me; they followed me everywhere. I know I need to be more proud of myself and who I am becoming, but what I desire most in this new year is peace and clarity. I pray this season brings me not only what I’ve been praying for, but also the things I’ve prayed for in the past that are still waiting to unfold. As it says in the book of Psalms:
“The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and He helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise Him.”
