Sometimes Growth Looks Like Stepping Back
Odette
Okay. I am here, in the flesh…The anxiety I’m feeling right now is crazy. Anyway… I didn’t quit… I became more realistic. & yes, I fell off a bit & may have even taken a few steps back; but I’m here. Of course it is only right I owe you Bloomers a conversation.
I think the last time I wrote or created a video was around June of last year… and after that I basically went MIA. It wasn’t intentional, but things got extremely heavy for me personally. Being the person that I am, I don’t usually talk or express how I’m feeling in depth. I tend to just carry the weight of it, not really release it, just toss it on the back burner. I was burned out. Overwhelmed. Handling the “corporate” life, taking my online classes, working out & trying to manage my weight, learning to grow, trying to find balance… and basically figuring out who I’m actually becoming (HER). And truthfully, you know what they say : “jack of all trades, master of none.” Honestly speaking, with ALL of this and more… I simply didn’t have the bandwidth.
Those of you who have been here from the beginning of time know I’m a believer that if I’m going through something, I’d rather not speak on it until I’m out of the chaos… out of the tunnel. With that said, I didn’t want to show up for you guys fake, nor did I want to “perform” inspiration. I WAS TIRED.
Truth be told, I felt guilt… yet relief at the same time. Guilty because I felt like I had built something meaningful. People were watching, and of course, the Bloomers were here. But on the other side of things, I felt like the pressure had stopped. I didn’t have to keep showing up. I didn’t have to perform (and don’t get it twisted — that doesn’t mean I wasn’t authentic). I could just exist. No worrying about editing. No stressing over being on a tight schedule. The funny thing is, every time I thought I was ready to come back… something happened. And then something else happened. And then something else. In the middle of it all, I lost my grandmother… and right after her, I lost a close friend. And grief doesn’t ask permission to show up. It doesn’t send a warning. It just walks into the room and takes a seat. That alone explains my silence over the past few months. Sad to say I am still dealing with the emotions.
Bloomers…Sometimes (and some may not agree), this is what growth looks like. Burnout. Overwhelm. School + work chaos. Brain fog. An evolving identity. A faith-stretching season. It’s not always glowing. It sure as hell isn’t always productive. And it’s definitely not always visible. Sometimes growth looks like disappearing. Like going quiet. Like choosing survival over aesthetics. And no that doesn’t mean something drastic changed or that there’s some huge, dramatic transformation waiting to be unveiled. Sometimes the growth is internal. Private. Unpolished. It’s you learning your limits. It’s you realizing you cannot pour from an empty cup. It’s you understanding that discipline without rest turns into resentment. I know social media makes it seem like if you disappear for six months and come back, it has to be this big rebrand. New aesthetic. New mindset. New body. New life. And don’t get me wrong, for some people that’s what it is. But it is also okay if… nothing really happened. If you just lived. If you just coped. If you just made it through. Not every season is for performing. Some seasons are simply for preserving.
Again, I was growing, just privately. While also dealing with my own life. Navigating, questioning my voice, wondering if I still had anything to give, and trying to Bloom in every area all at once. But at some point, I realized I didn’t outgrow myself; I just became more realistic. Realistic about my capacity, my timing, and what I could actually carry without breaking. I stopped romanticizing the grind and started honoring my limits. I stopped trying to be everything at once and began asking what actually makes sense for me in this season. It wasn’t regression but it was recalibration.
I can hear some of you already asking the burning question: “What did you learn from this?” So glad you asked… because I knew it was coming *eye roll *. Not every season is public, you don’t have to bloom loudly, rest isn’t quitting, Obedience over visibility and of course you can love whatever it is you’re doing and still need space. Honestly, some seasons will require me to be absent & not post but to be present in whatever I’m walking through. I am NOT promising consistency. I am promising honesty (whatever that may look like).
Blooming doesn’t always look loud. Sometimes it looks like stepping back so you don’t break. Lord knows I nearly broke a few times. BUT GOD !!
“If you’re still here…Thank You. ”
