Journal Entry # 2: Raw & Unfiltered
Odette
Disclaimer: I am human, with all the human emotions that come with it. I offer no judgment, just raw, uncut and unfiltered vibes. Everyone has been wondering “Why did I resign from my last job?” and honestly it’s a fair question to ask me. Today, I will give the answer that you want. Please note this is not a bashing post; therefore don’t expect me to be rude or disrespectful. Things do & can come back around.
Listen. I loved my job and "most" of the people even more, especially those I worked closest with. The jokes we used to crack, how some of us genuinely cared for one another, the wisdom and advice some shared amongst ourselves, and much more. However, that wasn't enough for me. My nickname there was "Wednesday" because I LOVE black & always wore black and white to the office.
On the other hand, to some, I was “sunshine” because I always had a smile, and I was the first "Bright & energetic" person you would encounter coming into the building. Especially in the mornings when NOBODY cared about coming into the office. *giggles * Unfortunately, they didn't know that I betted on myself & God that I would give the company 5 years of my time. But on ONE CONDITION - if I could get a promotion or transfer into another department where I could make a little more salary, I would stay. Don't judge me because I am sure I am not the only one who thinks that way. As you can see, I left & that didn't happen.
I was also tired of being in that fishbowl, dealing with men's weird and inappropriate comments. It was annoying as hell and drained me. I could do my job with my eyes closed. It was so effortless. But being in that environment was taking a toll on me mentally and emotionally. Most people assumed that I chose to stay in the position I was in, but that was not the case. I applied for many other positions within the company, but I felt like I was being blocked or undervalued. Even the department I worked closely with gave me a negative response when I applied there. I know that many of you can relate to my experience. It's frustrating and unfair, but it's important to remember that we are not alone. We deserve to work in environments where we are valued and respected.
As the years passed, I kept questioning my decision to stay at the company. I wondered why I was still there, but I also knew there was a reason for me to be there. However, I started to lose sight of the "bet" I had made with God. I started applying for jobs outside of the company, but either I didn't get a response, or my spirit didn't feel right about the environment. I refused to be overworked and underpaid and couldn't settle for anything. At the end of 2022, a job position came up that I thought was perfect for me. I was assured I would get the position, but the "director" in charge decided to give it to someone else. To make matters worse, some unfortunate events took place at the beginning of this year. People were upset because they couldn't figure me out, and I kept them from my personal affairs. I have no business, apparently, but God bless their hearts.
I lost hope after a while, and s..t was getting real… to cope with my job, I did a little spiritual cleansing in my office. I got it painted two shades of blue, hung up a painting, and started lighting candles. I LOVE CANDLES, AND I AM OBSESSED WITH THEM. Fast forwarding…I GOT A NEW JOB. And the joke is I accepted the job sometime in July, but I started in September. So both God & I kept our ends of the bargain - I made it to 5 years at the company and left several days later. Side note - I was so emotional during my exit interview. I had tears in my eyes but didn't let them fall. I think I was so overwhelmed that I was finally leaving the company.
Leaving my old job was a risk, especially since I was giving up some simple but essential benefits. But my peace of mind was more important. I questioned my decision briefly, but I quickly shut down any doubts. I was also sad to leave behind my coworkers, whom I love dearly. I know that I won't be able to see them daily or lighten up their day, but I am grateful for our time together. They were my light when I couldn't be theirs.
Do I regret leaving the company? No. I fulfilled my purpose there and made an impact, even if I didn't want to believe it. But I can't settle anymore. The Lord knows this. I can't stay somewhere where I'm undervalued, disrespected, spoken to like a child, and constantly fighting with people who claim they don't care about my life but try to get into my business. This doesn't just apply to employment, Bloomers. It applies to everything in life. I'm thankful to Yahweh for everything He's done. The question is, are you ready to take a risk? You are worth taking a chance on yourself. Failure is a precursor to success. If you fail, it's only a necessary stepping stone for growth. And remember, Yahweh is with you. Are you ready to take the first step to success? Do you trust Him to ordain your actions along the way, even if it means hiding in the secret place of Psalm 91?