What does it mean to compromise? Why do you think it’s so important to have it in relationships? Do you personally believe that compromise is essential for any relationship to work?
Compromising; what can I say? We all try to do it. Some of us are understanding of it, and others of us do well at this, then there are some that are just too stubborn to do so. Before we get into all of that… What is compromising? I would say “compromising is agreeing to disagree; finding a solution that two or more persons can be content with. It’s a way of dissolving problems without anyone feeling offended or uncared for.”
What is it all about?
Compromising is one of the best habits to have for all types of relationships. It may call for you getting out of your comfort zone or making a little sacrifice, but that shouldn’t be a big deal. There is nothing wrong with that however it should not be one-sided. Persons should be able to meet somewhere in the middle and still be happy/satisfied. One should be able to bend their back just a little, so the other does not have to break theirs all the way. Like, come on don’t be selfish!!!! If you’re not willing to meet in the middle, then you have some thinking to do whether that relationship is for you or if you want to continue. I say that because for any relationship to work out, it requires a lot of communication, compromising and consistency. The most important C’s of life. So if you think your relationship will last, I am sorry to break the news to you, but it will die. Both persons deserve to be happy in their relationship so for that to happen you have to balance everything out.
Compromising isn’t about losing the argument or deciding who is right and who is wrong. It’s a matter of realizing that the both of you have the equal right to be happy with the result, whatever that result is. Most relationships you see lasting, and you claim are the “real relationship goals” aren’t just perfect. They argue, get upset and forgive. What makes them last is that communication and compromising to ensure that both can either agree to get out their comfort zone and try something new or like I said sacrifice something. No relationship is truly successful without a little compromise. Let me say this now you should give your all in your relationships, especially romantic ones if you are that serious about one another. Nothing should be 50-50 even though I said: “meet in the middle.” It's not about splitting everything in half, but more so like I said compromising. You must give your ALL, everything you got for your relationship to work. Both of you should be giving 100-100. There will be days you might have to pick of the slack, but that shouldn’t be all the time.
Now compromising won’t always be easy for some persons its like a life or death situation, others are just overreacting. I know with me when I first starting dating I didn’t like compromising or meeting somewhere in the middle. Yes, I know I was being selfish no need to say it aloud. *giggles * but I honestly wanted everything to go my way or no way at all. However, I saw how it started to affect my partner so; eventually, I learned to be less selfish and be fair enough to compromise. It actually helped me to grow more in my relationship and taught me how to nurture it. Now that I am much older if you aren’t willing to compromise, please exit stage left. Simple. That’s because I realized how important and crucial it is to have in a relationship. You have to learn not to be so controlling all the time because your partner will never feel like they are right and can never have a “say” in the relationship. Now… “how many of you are like that?” if you said “yes” please stop it. It is not okay!! If you feel the need to control you are just merely being controlled by delicate emotions. Every relationship or just about all have their dry spells and dark times. You are both getting angry with each other and losing patience. A little bit of cursing and insulting each other more than likely just for petty sake. Just remember that the anger is temporary the fight won’t last forever, and once you keep that in your mind it will ease the situation. Now if things really get overheated then walk away into the next room and hopefully they don’t follow you.
Question for you. “How many of you have been called out by your partner about something you know you are guilty of doing; does not matter what it is?” okay now that you answered that. “Do you find yourself getting defensive over it?” if you agreed that you are guilty to both questions don’t feel bad you are not alone. What if I told you it does make sense to get upset about but rather listen to what they have to say before you react in any way? You see we don’t really get upset about what they say you know; we get upset because we know we are guilty of doing whatever it is they are calling us out on. Basically, we are in denial of ourselves. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I am so guilty of this. Even with my own family when they try to call me out, I am just like “please leave me alone because that is not true” knowing damn well that I am in denial. I say this to say it’s better for your partner to call you out at times so that you are aware of how you may come across to them. To you, it may not be a big deal, but if they are calling you out, maybe it’s because it is actually bothering them and it makes you look bad. Your partner is someone who is there to help you be your best self. If they aren’t time to go. I cannot express to you how important it is to compromise in your relationship, and it’s not hard to do nor is it rocket science. Just to work together and agree to disagree.
Okay… now some of you may be thinking “why is it so hard for persons to compromise?” The simplest answer would be they like to be in control of everything, or their personality is more of a dominant. But I am going to answer this question on a more personal side based on me and my reasons. Hopefully, it helps you to understand in some way why persons may not like to compromise. Keep in mind people, I am not perfect. This was a long time ago before I really learned what it means to be in a committed relationship. Anyway, so with me I just wanted everything my way as I’ve said earlier. I felt like since I was the “girlfriend” everything should go my way especially because he was saying the 3 special words “I love you.” It wasn’t because I was spoiled, I was just being selfish. I wanted him to myself. I didn’t care about his other friends, I didn’t like his hang out spots, so we always went to my favorites instead. I didn’t like settling for less when I knew there is more to have. So why would I settle? This was basically my mentality. I know I sound like a horrible person, but I promise I am not like this anymore in my relationships. Eventually, I was called out for it, and I didn’t realize how much it was really taking a toll on him. At first, it seemed like he wanted to compromise with a few things which I had no problem doing what so ever after I started to feel really guilty about everything. But the issue really came into play when he wanted me to sacrifice friendships for him, but he wasn’t doing the same for me. So basically, this was now tit-for-tat. Fast forwarding into the situation I now had to call him out for what he was doing to me. We both learned to compromise, but for some reason, he didn’t know a difference between compromise and sacrifice. Which will lead me to my next point about this topic. Who’s excited!!!!!! If you didn’t say me… you just broke my heart into a million pieces. *giggles *
Compromising vs. Sacrificing
Often times, couples mistake the difference between compromising and sacrifice. It can be such a thin line, it’s understandable why people can confuse the two. To compromise means to actually negotiate terms and come to an agreement both of you are content with, but to sacrifice means actually to give up or stop something and let it go. Compromising gives the benefit for both persons to sit down, discuss and figure out what needs to be done; but with sacrifice, it is more, and the other doesn’t have much of a say. Honestly speaking a relationship where you are continually sacrificing any and everything won’t last. Think about all the dramatic love movies where one or the other is shouting *clears throat * “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HAVE SACRIFICED FOR YOU AND THIS IS WHAT YOU DO!” or they say “EVERYTHING I HAVE DONE FOR YOU AND SACRIFICED FOR YOU AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME!!!” does this sound like any movies you know? I can name a few. *giggles * Relationships based on sacrifice won’t last, however, relationships based on healthy mutual compromising will last. Compromising has one common goal; it’s just a matter of getting there and how you get there. Whereas sacrificing is entirely one-sided and it’s not really discussed; then when the person continues to surrender, they start to feel pressure and take most of the weight of the relationship. Of course, we all know where that leads to. Compromising isn’t always easy, but it’s the best way to solve most or some of the problems, but sacrifice after sacrifice only leads to one feeling like they can’t have a say or have them feeling like their needs aren’t as important. Listen to me and listen to me good ladies and gentlemen; if you are in a relationship and you understand the difference between compromise and sacrifice and you 100% feel as though you sacrifice more than your partner its time you guys have a sit-down. If they don’t want to listen to you or even to consider changing their attitude maybe you should re-think staying with them. That’s just my opinion. Some persons may not like to compromise because they think they are sacrificing but they actually aren’t. They just need to be able to distinguish the difference between the two.
By explaining all of this, this is what my partner was not getting about the compromise and sacrifice. But it was somewhat understandable because like I said, there is a thin line between the two. We eventually were able to really sit down and talk about it, and of course, we learned from our mistakes. YAAYY!!! Us.
The most important thing is to communicate the issues and compromise on a solution together. Some may turn into fights others may not. That is normal.
As I close these rose petals for today; if you don’t remember anything else I said today remember this. Compromising isn’t about losing the argument or deciding who is right and who is wrong. It’s a matter of realizing that the both of you have the equal right to be happy with the end result, whatever that result is.